Satin Doll

I'm planning to marry my beloved in ten weeks and I am quite excited.
Tonight, my mother and I found the dress.

Contrary to what the WeddingIndustrialComplex would have you believe, I have not had fantasy wedding gowns dancing in my head since I was a small child. I have a vague recollection of some teen rag asking me what my "wedding style" would be through multiple choice questions, but I really had no idea or great care as to the clothes I would be wearing.

I wanted the clothes to be nice. Since I'm a colorful person, I was thinking red- or purple!- and I even considered wearing pants. But I wanted to be formal, and I wanted the recognition and symbolism of being a "bride".
And so I decided that I did want a white dress, after all.

The wedding dress system, if any of you are aware, differs greatly from the prom or formal gown. One makes an appointment at a store (often called "boutique"), and there one is welcomed by being asked to fill out an information form.
If this form is filled out truthfully, one is barraged by phonecalls and junk mail by various wedding vendors. Sometimes it does result in bridal magazines, which can be fun early in the process. That's the only advantage of telling the truth. I filled out the last form as Lucille Ball and the processing man didn't even blink, he just asked me to fill out a valid phone number.
Then you browse the racks. The dresses are generally in one size- somewhere between a two and a ten. These are not street sizes. These are not your pants size, or your dress size. These are "wedding sizes". You may be wearing a size 12 pants but actually be a size 18 dress.

So the next step is trying on a dress that doesn't fit. And then they ask you to buy it.
How should I know if I would like to buy this dress in my size? I can't tell what it looks like!

Also, wedding gowns are usually priced upwards of one thousand dollars. Five hundred dollars is considered a good deal.

After running back and forth to very many stores, including basements on 34th street and high end boutiques, I ended up at a JoAnn's Fabrics in New Jersey with my mother.

Where we found a vintage pattern from 1952 and a white satin that cost $9.09 a yard.
My mother will be making me my wedding dress.
We will be thwarting the system.
I am excited.

Wellness

Thwarted again!
I have been hurting for a few months now, between illness and muscle pains. I was under the care of a bad chiropractor, and now I'm under the care of what seems to be a good one. Just when I'm finally ready to invest in my body, when I have some downtime and a few dollars in savings, this is when things fall apart.

And it's alright, I don't seem to have any major illness. Just a plague of minor ones that prevent me from exercising and moving my body freely.

The worst part is how it holds me back from the theatre.

This is obviously a lesson in learning that I should be more gentle with myself.

I want to be the best possible creation of myself. I dream of striding onto the stage, looking into the lights and telling stories that will change the trajectory of those sitting in the audience. I want them to realize their passion and create the life they want.

In the process of my art, I will not forget to create the full life that I want.

This is my promise.